NIGHTMARE

I am at a music festival of sorts. I am walking around. Everything seemed quite trippy and psychedelic. There are very large mushrooms everywhere. It am the middle of the day and bright but there seems to be a lot of shade and the air isn’t too hot. I am sitting on top of a large red and white mushroom (something you might find in a fairy tale or children’s book). 

I hear people screaming in the distance and see what looks like an inside out rat running around the grounds. A rather large one at that. Its skin is pink and oozing fluid. 

I somehow know it is demonic and could be the devil himself. 

I remember jumping down off the mushroom and running. I see this rat from a distance transform into a ginormous beast-like creature. It am black and hairy like a bull. It stands and walks on its hind legs. It has large horns. I know it is the devil. I am not religious so it is strange knowing this. I have been dreaming about the devil in many forms that week. It is all totally bizarre to me. 

I remember feeling terrified and that I need to escape and get away. I am running through this festival as far away from this beast as possible. There are dirt roads and it feels like a Western film set with little saloons and wooden buildings intentionally placed on either side of this one dirt road which I choose to run down. There may have been tumble weed in my dream as well.

I am confused but also know where I am strangely enough. I know at some point while running away, that this devil is not looking for anyone other than me. I try to run faster. 

I can sense him close behind me. I can hear his hooves. I find a warehouse of sorts and turn left into its big wooden doors and hide behind some boxes or hay. I am shaking. 

I have my eye on the wooden doors and see him stop outside them. He opens them up and starts using his nose to sniff me out. He finds me eventually and the next thing I know, I am on top of him making love to him. I don’t want to. It feels very wrong but I am under some kind of spell. 

POSSIBLE READING

Quality of the air, thicker, the lick is more physical, excited and scared, shades behind people, between people, I wanna get on top of the mushroom, safe, womb, there is outside, music festival, hear the rat, safer in the mushroom, it cant get me, it is looking in me, I feel distrust of the safety of the mushroom, I have the emotion of question: who are those people, it is looking for me, except the screams, why they don’t know they are looking for me, the transformation fascinates me, interest, getting vivid in my body, it is scary, but I am really interested in it, when it becomes more moving, I sense enormous power and strength, animalistic qualities, it will do what it wants, grabbing me eating me, I wanna run away and I feel fascination, warehouse, my own basement of myself, like I grew up during the story of the dream, the sniffing moves an adventurous side of me. I feel the interest, sniffing, hearing it makes me feel better, it makes me run away. Kitchen: could have used, not applicable, doesn’t carry the abilities used to me, I have to confront this creature. Being on top of it, makes me very excited, safe, and the more difficult part of it, making love with beast, as him, her, gives me power to hold the horns, feel the fur, it is my animal, we have connection, I can see through his eyes, I am changing, I am no longer afraid of it. In my minds eye, colours would be changing, thicker and stronger, totally new person, don’t know what to do with the newly self, our fluids are one. It feels really evocative, something new, like body is changed. Older, after a long journey. 

This is my animal, I am taurus, bull, take it in and process. Insightful. Who I am and what I am going through, pick it up through dream. 

Two worlds: this musician who is poured into it, I am also the other world, I don’t wanna be there, wall between, how to step into that power, enjoy, embrace it, control it, fear of being letting go vulnerable ordinary relaxed, no expectations… Ordinary, didn’t have to create, my life would have been easier… stable job… constant war. Western set, facades. 

I find myself in an open space, familiar to me, it is old, large trees, old place in me, these large trees is a very open space, shady spots, and sun, being in both, watching music, familiar ground. I move into up, mushroom, magical, maybe related to my childhood, in a very receptive position, when we sleep, we get our dreams, comfortable, soft, loads of perspective, it repeats at the very end, when I am on top of the beast, not terrifying, sadness and sweetness, open when I hold the horns, open the legs, open the chest, I am comfortable on top and having this perspective, when I come down easy, when I come down to the earth, business, it is showing the spine, very exposed, vulnerable, if you are pink, fresh light colour, when I had the red and white, I was with red, with white: security, now I am down. Smell of the mushroom is earthy, it is up there, when I am down, I am not smelling, I am sniffed out, bottom there is another part of me that is smelling me out, truffle mushroom hunting, find these things, the rat and the beast, from four to two, finding the delicacy in me. It smells my earthiness, the kind of person that can be on the earth. When I go to the warehouse, it is messy and it is dusty, these are tools, I can use for cooking something, I am terrified of the aspect that is chasing me. Hide from it, suddenly I am on top of it, when I am on top, I gain the perspective. I approach my terror and I am on top of it. I have looked on the beast, I am riding the beast and the beast is not anymore riding me. I have taken that dream and I am riding it. 

Also the question for me became… How do I use my soft higher perspective to manifest my ability to take the bull by the horns (confront difficult problems with confidence and clear action). 

We have this expression, “Take the bull by the horns.”  which I realized when I left our meeting. 

How can I feel alive and enjoy my power to transform the world in trust?

 

Music festival, very safe space, not very extravagant, not to do anything special, spectators I don’t relate to them, magical and nice, stranger that belongs to me, strange part of me is resting with me. It is an unknown part of myself. Very ok to be with. There is very fast part of me, this rat that is inside out, it shows inside, cannot hide itself, while having everything on the outside, not controllable, the speed, nosy sniffing, wants, don’t want to let it out, it is still me connected to me, bigger, transforming to force that makes me coming from another world to mount, this part of me is scaring me, it is very powerful, phallic horns, like a devil, it is the power of desire transformation sex I hide in the warehouse, ordinary people, nothing can happen, safe space, devil is coming in there too, it is not working. Then suddenly then I unite those parts, the part that is so powerful and nosy, inside out and this other part that wants to hide in the warehouse. Kind of feeling good, I need to, I am questioning the uniting, when I enjoy this unification, I will come out of the warehouse join the parts of the spectators, resting, waiting, be there on stage.